食べ続けることに弱いか？

Oh the piggery, the hoggery, the hogpiggery!

The diet outlined in the following blog was attempted by professionals, do not under any circumstances attempt any of the meal consumptions featured at home.

First came, the holy plague of cake. 

This could have been more disastrous for my ass-size than it was! Mainly because I wasn't having a cake day... BUT had it been a cake day, then this would have been the place to go! Sweets paradise. 90 minutes of unhindered, unregulated, unstoppable cake hunger plundering.

Here is the smorgasbord of cakealicious tastes!

live by the cake pirate code: TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, GIVE NOTHING BACK!

I decided to focus my all-you-can-eat stomach power on the cheesecake section, sampling 3 types of squishy dessert. While my friend instead stuffed the bonanza of chocolate cakes into his face. 

'this one is squishy, this one is squishy....
this one is squishy.... ooo crunchy'

<---- This is how I eat my food every day, no need for chopsticks or even forks. Just bypass the cutlery all together and chomp direct off the plate.

Irish green      ------>

melon drink just for a moral boost against the brown brown deluge of future indigestion. 

We didn't do terribly well at the value for money via consumption theory (the more cake you eat the less it costs per piece), I managed the grand total of the 3 slices you see above >___< maybe we need more cake training.....

After this day came the day of reckoning, the apocalypse of burger.

All. you. can. eat. burger king. I can think of nothing better or worse. The event was called 'BiKingu', which is a pun on the word 'bikingu', which comes from the word 'viking'.... because vikings used to feast a lot right? <--- (actually true origin) It cost the price of a large whopper meal, and then, for half an hour you can just return to the till with your empty food wrappers and they will replace the meal for free. 3 mere mortals went to take on this mammoth challenge of eating value into fast food, but only one could be the winner.

The competitors:

Sam Burgerton

Known in the eating world as the one who can conquer all chicken, this burger eating task would be no easy hillock to climb for Sam Burgerton. The high beef content and the high likelihood of pickles could be the downfall of this otherwise professional junk food vacuum.

Ruadhan O' Throwaway

Is there anybody out there who can match this man's penchant for pizza? NO! The world better move over as one extra large dominoes pepperoni passion is coming right at you. Burgers too have a base of carbohydrates, but the filling volume is higher than that of the humble pizza. Will this be Throwaway's undoing???

Karan Yamacdonalds

Karan Yamacdonalds is rumoured to have an inflatable extra stomach on her elbow that was hidden at birth. Maybe this gift is the reason behind her skill in the sweet and desserts consumption sphere. Known as the girl who became over 60% candyfloss and survived, will the savoury nature of this task bring a halt to this otherwise talented woman's chewing?








AND THE MOMENT YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!


- In 3rd place, with a pitiful count of only 1.5 Burger King Big Whoppers is:

Ruadhan O' Throwaway

'Oh top of the morning to ye, I had the craick, and I ate 2 large meals including chips, and I don't even like whoppers, so I won really.'

- In an infinitely better 2nd place with 2 whole burgers consumed is:

Sam Burgerton

'Dam it! I wish I had a larger belly in which to store delicious burgers then I could be a better economical value junk food nommer.'

- And so, that only leaves one competitor! In 1st place with a total of 3 burgers and sides is:

Karan Yamacdonalds

'Oh i'm so proud to have beaten those other two highly skilled eaters for this accolade, however now I feel very sick... guess ill just drink a load of plum wine, that will help won't it?'

And with that I concludes my supplementary food related blog, hope to be back with more health ruining feasts in the future!

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冬が来ている

Autumn is the season for autumn festivals. You heard it here first.

Tree outside my dorm going colour crazy

Basically the leaves are changing, and everybody here is making a fuss over the autumn colours. But what I do have to say is; now I see why! Instead of the trees just losing all will to live and using this new lack of vigour to turn a boring shade of brown. As they do in England.

Instead, the entire spectrum of warm colours slowly spreads its tendrils across japan from north to south, turning one tree at a time a vibrant shade of red, until they are all sufficiently autumnal. 

Japanese people love this colour change (as well as all other seasonal differences) and have a multitude of festivals to celebrate the fact it's no longer summer. These festivals often involved people walking around for a long time carrying a shrine and shouting, they also often ring bells which clink and clank a lot. I came across one of these processions to my surprise as I exited a shop in Shinjuku a few days ago. For a few moments I got all blended up in the swathe of people all garbed for the occasion and snapped a little footage of the event to show you guys!

                            Do we have a reason to celebrate the loss of our countries warmness?

Yes actually, yes we do! (picture taken by the lovely Joe Face) Nagoya leaves

tinsel disco, bitches!

Despite this, it's actually still really warm. And MAN am I enjoying it!! This is my first ever winter away from the UK.. the country where the temperature never warms; it just reaches a plateau of chilly for the 'summer' then drops into a chasm of frost around October, never to rise again. *sob* 

But here, I've got ma christmas tinsel decorations up in my room reflecting the bright morning sunlight like a disco ball, my window is open, and.... I DONT HAVE HYPOTHEMIA (or a inoperative hypothalamus....) 

The general Japanese populous also keeps looking at me weirdly for swagglily breezing down the streets / train platforms / corridors in what can only be described as summer attire. (As i frequently tell my mother, 'everyday shorts day')... 



So, weather report, at the moment it is;

*Faffs about on computer weather app*

about, 13 degrees celsius!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT!!! Before you all shiver and draw your blankets up tight around your tiny freezing faces, remember, it is almost December and it is also nearly 10 at night! In the day it can get to a toasty 18! In comparison to the depressingly dank -1 degree (dire) or whatever it is in the (damp deluge of the) UK right now, I'm on a tropical beach!! and that means i'll be wearing shorts and t-shirts for the next few weeks at least. 

BUT, I have heard, that soon, winter is coming.... and I'm from the north so I should know. *chilly breeze* 

I'm telling you, just don't lose your head about it.

In prep for this oncoming disaster, I'm gonna go get a hot water bottle and snuggle up to all the tasty english food my family sent me in a care package last week. Come here you sexy skittles!!!

yummerty snackings.

I'm still Sam, and this is always my blog, telling you about the freshest shit direct from inside the toilet. 

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デルプに気がつく

I really wish I'd post more...

Primary wall stare face, though this is more of a ceiling stare.

I say this because sometimes I am just too damn lazy to even type and as such I just stare at my walls and I haven't even mentioned much about my primary reason for being in Japan on here. (which are my lessons!)

So contrary to this blogs theme of general galavanting and documenting the bits that most people won't be completely disinterested in. I actually DO have real life university here... all be it only 3 days a week.... hmm

For your inner patriot, i'm going recap a selection of moments from my first week of Japanese lesson that make people from England look REALLY clever.

So, its first lesson and due to my lucky clicking on multiple choose questions and habit of talking myself into holes  superb Japanese language ability I am in swag class 3-2, which is despite every textbook suggesting we are 'progressing from intermediate', is in fact an advanced class (woo me!). Anyway, I go in and take a seat and we are asked to do a little self introduction, so, i'm gleefully thinking; 'right, I've got this one in the bag' as I bask in the ocean of memories of my awesome self introduction I did in first year. Then the voice of my class mates intrudes on my mental bask like a slimy eel... the reason, they are awesome. One by one they yabber for what seems like an eternity in fluent Japanese and I suddenly realise that my self introduction sounds about the same level as one from a toddler.

The moment approaches and all heads turn to listen to the selection of interesting and insightful details about myself I have ready to explain. Heres an almost accurate representation of how it went:

Moving swiffffftly on, I want to say a bit about my recent thoughts about the Japanese counting system with the help of our internet friend the amazing and soft Pusheen!!

SUPER QUICK BASIC EXPLANATION OF COUNTERS: In Japanese objects are grouped into categories by their physical properties; long and cylindrical, flat and thin, RECEPTACLE, and so on rather than by what they actually are.... This difference means in english, if we want to count for example, sticks of wood, we would say '1 stick, 2 sticks, 3 sticks'. In Japanese we would say '1 long and cylindrical, 2 long and cylindrical, 3 long and cylindrical'... This means some sentences come out very odd sounding in direct translation, such as: 猫を三匹飼っている - I have 3 small animal of cat!

So, the rule regarding animal counters is; small animals are 匹 [hiki] and large animals are 頭 [tou]. 

Here are some examples of things you count with 匹.

Cats

Dogs

Hamsters

Pokemon

And, here are some examples of things you count with 頭:

Horses

Bears

TIGERS

T-rexes

Keeping the theme of the sizes of the animals in your head.... heres where the issue lays in my mind... What the moose happened here:

using the counter 匹 you count....

Lions‽ ‽ 

and using 頭 you count.....

Butterflies‽‽  

Well that makes a whole bucket of sense.... So obviously I got it wrong on my first lesson to a symphony of sighs.... I'm now affirming my place as a preschooler by proving I can't count.. not even to eleventy four. (or schwifty five) Thanks Japan.

NEWS FLASH!!!

Hello, this is just a little extra I wanted to shove on the end... On a more serious note i've seen some posters around recently and it seems that it could be the case that my favourite round faced cat has gone missing.... I wasn't sure what the posters meant exactly, but they had a picture of him on them and a number, plus I haven't seen him about in a while..... It's this little guy:

I've named him Ser Jamie of LannisPAWt, and he's really soft and fat. So, if you see his cute little tabby face around, please let me know and even if you stole him while drunk i'll take him home anonymously. 

I've been Sam, and this is my blog. NOW GET OUT. ;)

Pictures of cute cute Pusheen belong to Pusheen.com

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ほら！不思議な酔ってるサラリーマン！ [It's a long one... beware.]

LET'S THINK BACK.......


Alllllllll the way back in time to my last blog post.... To recap for all you bed potatoes.... [bed potato: a person who is too lazy to move to the couch to be a couch potato.] I had just spent over 3 years wandering about like a nomad trying to find my disorganised buddies in the busiest little patch of Tokyo one would ever wish to see.

However in the end, through the magic of wi-fi we were all reunited and I could finally shave the meter long  hobo beard that had grown so elegantly in the sheer amount of time it took to find them.

impressive beardage no?

So after a quick shave, my squeaky clean face glistened in the moonlight and attracted the attention of some loitering bar advertisers. These people's job  and sole purpose in life is to constantly approach people standing around Hachiko and ply them with useless garbage about the bar / club they work for. 

We even have a regular harasser now who spots us every week and bumbles over to present leaflets to our unimpressed visages... However, as these touts get paid per person they lasso and herd into their establishment he keeps offering us a larger and larger discount to choose bar he works for. So, maybe one day soon, he will offer us drinks free, and then I possibly will consider going.


Izakaya!

Izakaya...... what a wonderful phase...... 

Izakaya...... aint no passing craaaaze!!! 

IT MEANS NO MONEY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYYYYS, 

ITS A SOBER FREE, PHILOSOPHY. 

Izakaya.

Ok, for you avid readers who border on the obsessive people back in England I will explain a little bit about Izakaya. Imagine the scene; you are hungry after a hard days mowing the lawn, SO you get in your car drive to the nearest ASDA and casually walk in, you then take a seat, and proceed to order their finest smart price pasta and a jug of milk....This is what the kanji for these 'izakaya' bars bring to mind, as they are '居酒屋' or literally the 'alcohol shop in which you exist', they just took the going home part out of a liquor store. 

So in summery its a barestraunt (bar + restaurant); you can eat, drink and be merry until the very early hours of the morn. Now as you can imagine these places do have some very good points that make them great places to gather and socialise, but they do have some veeeryyy baadddd ones too. I will arranged them in a good, then bad, layered sandwich as to not tint the pond of opinion too far either way.

This is where we went: 

Watami. It's a nice place. I'd even go so far as to say my second favourite so far!! Now to present the izakaya swings and roundabouts!.... coupled together for your reading ease.

1. pro: Enclosed rooms.

Going to a bar and being surrounded by drunken gibbons is inconvenient. Sometimes I just want to inflate a giant bubble of soap around me that would be as light to a vampire. (The drunks would hiss, turn into a bat and fly away from it) But in a Japanese Izakaya you can have your own snuggly little room for just you and the people that you choose to be in it!

Heaven.

It also means it's a little quieter and you can talk to people easier and also without the risk of spies noting down your every word and selling it.

1. con: Enclosed room... next door.

So everybody is sat casually drinking in their own anti social boxes, happy in the awkward conversation less bliss when you start hearing mysterious clunking noises....

What could it be??

Upon closer inspection you realise the noise is coming from the the common black suited drunken salaryman..... 

http://www.fashimi.com/2010/11/07/drunk-salaryman-on-the-train/

These guys make so much noise as they drink sake after sake... And it gets to the point around 2am where you hear glasses smashing willy nilly and the unmistakable thud of people falling off tables that you begin to wonder if they are actually doing ok.... over there... in their little box. But the waiters keep bringing them booze on request, and they keep drinking. Its actually rather remarkable how much alcohol one average size salaryman can consume before collapsing, but needless to say most don't make it home without a detour.....

2. pro: The button thing.

The button thing is a god send. Its just a little doorbell selotaped or glued to the end of your table but it makes the whole business of trying to attract the attention of a waiter null and void. 

These are the methods we use in the UK:

- The menu shut (slamming the menu shut extra hard in unison that coincides with the passing of a waiter as to indicate you have made a decision on your food)

- The slightly open mouth and raised hand (this pose makes it look like you wish to say something, and if you hold it long enough somebody is bound to ask you about what you want... right??)

- The increasingly exasperated excuse me (often not wanted to appear rude, instead mumble excuse me in a manner that only a dog could hear, but yet still sigh and grumble when then waiters stroll right by without a glance)


But in Japan, with the prod of a button, a waiter appears as if out of thin air to take your order. Much love for the button.

2. con: Not having the button thing

Having got used to the button, the disappearance of said button causes all hell of inconvenience. Upon making the decision of you order, you lightly close the menu and take your time, safe in the assurance that in a mere 1 minutes time your food and beverages will be on their merry way. HOWEVER, you reach across the table and HORROR OF HORROR there is no button.

Now what?

You're stuck. Alone. In a room feeling increasingly smaller, and it seems no amount of shouting SUMIMASEN (excuse me) through the door can attract the attention of a waiter. This is also when being in your own special tatami box of drinking becomes a double hassle... as sometimes it feels that as soon as your door is shut, everybody instantly forgets you are there.

3. pro: Yummy noms.

Yummy noms and drinky drinks! 飲み放題 means literally all you can drink, a common idea in Japan, and like a buffet of booze you order whatever alcoholic  beverage you want in a time limit for a set price. Some of these deals are dependant upon you deciding to use dosh to buy a delicious dish of food (possibly dim sum) to go alongside your copious collection of cocktails. As I'm a food vacuum this isn't a problem for me, and I even found one of my favourite dishes at an Izakaya, the partial fried block of fish. 

Delicious

I think it is a bonito fish, but I can never be sure. It is raw on the inside, crispy batter on the outside and 100% yummy! It comes with a little pot of mayo for dipping. I could eat this every day.

The all you can drink deals are usually great value for money as well, You can usually get beers, sake, cassis (a popular blackcurrant liquor that tastes of roundtrees fruit pastel ice lollies) drinks, and a variety of Japanese vodka based 'sours' all for the sweet sweet price of 1200 yen for 2 hours (thats about... *maths* just less than a tenner). 

enough drinks?

2. con: Sneaky sneaky appetisers

Now, I'm not usually a person that gets aggravated easily (a hur hurr hurrr), but this sneaky appetiser business needs to just fall off a cliff into a burning snake pit...of doom....

Take a look at this photo.

Let's see what we have here......3 strands of cucumber, a blob of egg mayo and a little big of slop that looks like vomit.... this costs £4. AND! This is a fancy one.... 

The worst 'appetiser' i've come across so far was the tiniest platter you've ever seen containing a not-even-fair amount of watery coleslaw. (Yes, that also cost £4.) The worst part of this is however, that these boxes of slop are not only compulsory but the staff just handily neglect to mention it's cost when you enter the izakaya. Thanks Japan.

But using our high levels of intelligence we have learned from our mistakes and have now wised up to their tricks! This means we now often enquire about the price of their minute vegetable slop before we sit down. But it's too late for my bank account as I must have spent nearly £20 or more on these 'dishes'. Due to this I know make a point of actually eating them... just to get my moneys worth.

I've been Sam, and this is my Blog! Please subscribe on the right!!

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南口..... ない

Meet Hachiko,

Woof.

Hachiko was a dog.

A special little shiba inu that belonged to a Tokyo University professor named Eisaburo Ueno in the 1920’s and during his owner's life, Hachikō greeted him at the end of each day at the Shibuya Station. The pair continued their daily routine until May 1925, when suddenly Professor Ueno did not return. The truth was the professor had suffered a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and sadly passed away, never to return to the train station where Hachikō was waiting so loyally. However, each day for the next nine years Hachikō awaited Ueno's return, appearing precisely when the train his owed should be aboard was due to arrive at the station. 

Sadly in 1935 Hachiko too passed away, but in remembrance of his loyalty that touched the hearts of so many, a statue of him was erected outside the exit of Shibuya station where he used to wait so faithfully every day. This statue has now become a world famous meeting point where people wait for their friends to arrive off the many trains that pas through Shibuya station every day.






Now, considering this massively interesting and would famous specified 'meeting' 'point' exists (I italicise there just to reeeaaally highlight the definition of these words.), you may be shocked to hear anybody would request to meet up in one of the other million places elsewhere around the station. Yet this is exactly what some of my friends did.


'hey we are going for some drinks, meet at Shibuya station south exit' they said....... not a problem until you realise this: 

Is Shibuya!

It's hustling, it's bustling, and theres no chance of finding anybody there in any time less than a millennia 2 millennia 2 millennia and a half. Despite this, I powered through like a trooper and continued with the odd location meeting plan, hoping to casually happen upon the south exit. However, after doing a full loop and a half of the (very large and grubby) station, traversing 2 overpasses and bobbling my way through a hobo city but still not finding the now-presumed-fabled 'south exit'. I came to the realisation that seeing as the exit was mythical, nobody else would be able to find it either.


This being said... I had no way to contact anybody. 

For a normal person, this would have been the end. They would have broken down crying hysterically, started talking in tongues, acting like a chicken etc.... BUT being the proactive and highly resourceful human I am, I had this in the bag. All i need to do was wander about the streets of Tokyo until I found a sneaky unguarded wifi!!!

accurate representation of my wifi search.

FINALLY, my efforts paid off and down a random street I located a sufficiently unprotected wifi to access my Facebook!! Through the use of this amazing, cutting edge technology we managed to rearrange the meeting place to where it should have been to start with... the aforementioned doggy related world famous meeting spot. And all was well in the world!!

Lets ask the pro of punctual meetings about this almost disaster...what do you think about these shenanigans Hachiko??